Conversational Riffs Training In Schools

Schools play a central and priviledged role in the centre of their communities.  For many people the school is the hub of relationships between families, and between parents and teachers.  As a result it is always a great pleasure to work in schools providing conflict management and resolution skills whether for the teachers, children or the parents.

A particular highlight of this work is the involvement in piloting new training programs in South Wales.  Here, Conversational Riffs are designing a range of training resources to be accessed by schools, LEAs and parent groups. The goal is nothing short of transforming relationships within and through the school.

Conversational Riffs are soon to be featured by the Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning syllabus, not as an additional module, or a new initiative, but rather as a way of putting into practice those approaches that are already within the curriculum.

If you would like to discuss Conversational Riffs training as an inset option for your school, or board of governors then contact us today on 07815 727693 and see how we can make your team more effective.

From Collaborative Law to Conversational Riffs

My training as a collaborative lawyer in 2006 led me to write Conversational Riffs.

I saw lawyers attending long courses but expecting their clients to go into collaborative law meetings with very little preparation.  How could I equip my collaborative law clients with skills to enable them to keep communicating within the collaborative four way meeting?

I needed a model that would be memorable and easy to implement, something practical and supported by but not steeped in theory.

At the same time I recalled Forrest Mosten, a leading pioneer in family law dispute resolution, talking about providing your clients with a client library.  I set about reading a whole library of conflict resolution books and discerned that there were common themes.  I grouped and distilled those themes down into Conversational Riffs, and the rest is, as they say, history.

By the time that it came to writing the book, Conversational Riffs had grown out of its collaborative law origins.  Now it was being sought after for business and management presentations with organisations that wanted to understand workplace relationship and the impact of conflict.  It was natural therefore that the book should reflect that broader application.

However the book still applies to collaborative law.  It shows us ways out of perceiving comments as attacks and provides us with alternative responses to difficult conversations, responses which develop meaning and understanding, rather than driving us down a conflict cul-de-sac.

I certainly hope that the book will help families going through separation to collaborate and communciate even as they part from one another.  Of course, I also hope that families will embrace conversational  riffs to help them keep communicating through the day to day challenges we all must face.

Naming the issue

Naming a problem is often the first step to resolving the problem within conflict dynamics.

When we give an issue a name then we identify the problem as something specific.  This is powerful in two ways.

Firstly, it lifts the problem off our colleague, friend, husband or wife.  We are too often ready to perceive a grievance as being a characteristic of the other person.  If someone is late, then we say it is because they are unreliable.  If they do not perform parts of their role within the workplace then they are seen as being lazy or unreliable.

That in turn leads us to communicate about the problem in ways which attack the other person.  The other person then either disengages from the conversation or adopts a defensive or counter-attacking stance.

Not helpful.

Once we have named the problem as something specific then it is no longer something about you, or something about.  instead it is a third entity within this situation.  You and I may now be able to collaborate as we tackle the newly named and externalised problem.

The second point about naming a problem is that we call the problem into being, in linguistic terms.  While a problem remains un-named it is merely a notion.  Giving it a name, or label, enables us to talk about and challenge the issue.

A good example of this can be seen in the naming of the problem we now know as sexual harrassment.  Before it was named, this problem was hard to tackle.  Once it had been given a name then it was possible to speak out about it, to refer to it and engage in solving the issue.

Giving names to problems therefore makes it safe to talk about an issue without being seen as attacking the person we are rainsing it with, and it also creates a spoken framework and reference that enables engagement, discussion or debate and, hopefully, resolution.

Conflict is found in the defence, not the attack

Conversational Riffs explores how we start out with just a few responses to conflict situations, namely the attack, the defence and the counter-attack, and how those reactions damage relationships in the office or at home.

It occurs to me that conflict is not always guaranteed in the attack, but rather in the defence.  That might be surprising but it bears scrutiny.

At the time when we perceive we are being attacked by something that someone has said we still have a choice as to how we will respond.  If we join our colleagues in playing into conflict led patterns of communication, namely attack followed by defence then we become complicit in that argument.

We need to remember that the choice is ours.

When we feel under attack we can choose to defend ourselves, or go on the counter-attack.  Alternatively we can take stock and quickly appraise the situation we find ourselves in

“Am I at risk here?”

“Is this really about me?”

“Just how much of a threat is this?”

“Might there be something else going on?”

“I wonder why they think that?”

If we can take a moment to become curious about what is behind the other person’s attacking stance then we open ourselves up to other responses, responses which are likely to help us to strengthen those relationships instead of damaging them. It is up to us to change the conflict dynamics instead of just surrendering ourselves to an inevitable fight.

Perhaps we can encourage our workplace colleagues to give us more information.  What would happen if we chose to acknowledge their position?

The point is that non-typical responses will switch that confrontation onto a very different, more collaborative track.  The alternative end destination can be unrecognisable.

So let us stop blaming each other for going on the attack at the outset.  We are still responsible for how we choose to respond, or allow ourselves to react.

What are Conversational Riffs?

Click through to buy Conversational Riffs via Amazon

Do you ever regret things you have said in the heat of the moment?

Do you avoid confrontation or avoid talking about the difficult stuff in workplace relationships or relationships at home?

Do you ever worry about how conflict is wasting your time, energy and ruining your reputation?

Conversational Riffs is the new book by Neil Denny supporting his much sought after presentations and training programs.  It looks at how most of us are not taught how to deal with communication in conflict situations.  We have only three responses to awkward and difficult conversations.  We either go on the attack, adopt a defensive position of respond to an attack with a counter attack.

Conversational Riffs shows us how these responses only make conflict worse.  We then explore how we can respond to conflict better, much better, by using six alternative responses that will powerfully change your discussions, debates and arguments both in and out of work.

Conversational Riffs enables you to create meaning out of conflict and strengthen those relationships in the workplace and home at the time they are most at risk of breaking down.

Buy your copy of Conversational Riffs now by click on the picture above or direct from the author at Neil@conversationalriffs.com for £12.99 + £1 P+P and make the move from confrontation to collaboration today.