Conflict resolution is neither rational nor objective.

I had an enjoyable breakfast with a friend recently.  He said he admired the work I do in writing and delivering training on conflict and collaboration communications because it was a more “Rational and objective approach to resolving disputes; You take the emotion out of it.”

I bristled.

For me, working with conflict is neither rational nor objective.

It is fluid, chaotic, messy and sometimes very emotional indeed.

Effective conflict leadership is rational in the sense that it has purpose and logic to it. Yet it is irrational in that it should not be a slave to hard logic based arguments.  Sometimes the irrational, the uncertain and unmeasurable holds the key to making progress.  They can certainly serve us very well as souces of inspiration or innovative thinking about how we might approach a problem.

And is it objective?

I would argue it is not.  Objective can mean distanced, aloof, dispassionate, disconnected.  To me, conflict leadership means being able to connect with the people involved and their fears, concerns and needs.  There is a balance to be struck in not becoming enslaved to those aspects but we certainly need to be aware of them, to acknowledge them and the flavours they impart to any conflict cocktail.

In that sense, effective, powerful dispute resolution does not make objects of the dispute and the people within it.  The conflict dialogue is an inherent part of that conflict drama being played out.  It is subjective, it must be.  And by stepping into these conflict spaces and contributing our own voices, questions and thoughts can we hope to build a different narrative.

By being objective, on the outside, we run the risk of not connecting.

This is not to say that dispute resolution experts should not strive to be neutral or independent.  They can and should continue to do so.

But we need to get stuck in, to be comfortable with the messy stuff and carefully, skillfully play a fully integrated role in enabling the disputants to be effective in building agreement.